Committed to those who’ve lost a spouse

Romance Scams

by Tim Hudson

The Hook

The following story is hypothetical. There once was a lady who was strong and intelligent, who had recently lost the love of her life. Let’s call her Jane. They had been married for many years and did almost everything together. Although Jane missed him every day, she was learning to chart her new course without him. Out of the blue, she received a friend request on social media from someone that she didn’t know who lived in another state. In a weird way he had a lot of the same physical attributes as her late husband; not identical, but close enough. Replacing her husband was not something that interested her. Jane was just looking for some companionship, someone to talk with, someone to help with the lonely days. It all started innocently enough, messaging back and forth throughout the day. She felt an instant connection. His compliments were so nice after so long. The messaging soon turned to phone calls and texts, and she felt like this was really going somewhere. He really seemed to care. He asked Jane about her family, personal information, finances. In fact, all he wanted to do was talk about her, not himself. It was refreshing to have someone so interested. Jane felt giddy about the new opportunity, so she overlooked the growing number of red flags. He asked her not to tell her friends. (After all, he said, they wouldn’t understand what the two of them had.) He mentioned he was engaged in many projects at work and traveled frequently. He also would never do any type of video call with her because between work, his kids, and his lack of technology skills he didn’t have time -- at least that is what he said. To make it up to her he would come visit soon.

The Ask

Then out of the blue he had a medical issue at work, and his child had been in the hospital. He told Jane a heart-wrenching story that any person with a heart would believe. She felt torn. It was just a little money at first, a few thousand dollars. He promised he would pay her right back. In fact, to help her he had a special account set up so to make it as easy as possible for her. Jane sent the money to him, glad to help her new friend. He thanked her and promised to pay her back as soon as possible. A few days passed, and unfortunately, this medical emergency that he found himself in got worse and worse. He called, heartsick that he may lose his child, unless they did a major procedure that would cost tens of thousands of dollars. With a plea that brought tears to Jane’s eyes, he asked if he could borrow a large amount of money. He knew it was asking a lot, but he was out of options. She decided to send the money. It would hurt her retirement a little bit and Jane would have to cut back some, but she was helping the person that professed his undying love for her. It was a chance worth taking.

This Happens Every Day

Too many times scenarios like this happen every day to widows and widowers and many other people who are scammed out of their money by a supposed lover they recently met online. In fact it has a name: “Romance Scam”. In 2021 the FTC reported losses of 547 million dollars to these types of scammers, but many more have probably gone unreported. ¹ Sadly, those in retirement age who’ve lost a spouse are often targeted because of their access to cash and their loneliness. There are many ways this scam starts, but it usually begins with a friend request or an offer to follow you on a social media platform or dating site from someone who lives in the US but many states away. These scammers will steal another person’s social media platform, pictures, and names, then pretend to be someone that they are not. Once you’ve accepted their request, the scam begins.

Protecting Yourself and Others

What can you do to protect yourself or a friend who you think is going through one of these scams? First, talk to your friends and family anytime that someone asks for money from you, especially if it’s someone that you recently met. Many of these scammers do not want you to communicate with friends and family about them because they will see the red flags the scammer is trying to pull over your eyes. Be very leery of anyone that tries to cut you off from your friends or family. Secondly, be careful what you share online. Social Media is a lot of fun, and it can be easy to post many personal tidbits that in the moment seem harmless. However, it can be used by a scammer to make you a target. Thirdly, go slowly with this new relationship. The scammers want you to fall in love fast and may even propose to you after a very short time. Be friendly but distant, open but cautious. Fourthly, ask a lot of questions about them. In fact, ask them the same questions they ask of you. Be specific. Remember they have fallen in “Love” with you, so it only makes sense you know more about them. Be very cautious telling people you recently met about any of your financial information. Ask for a specific picture of them doing something like pointing to their ear, or a picture with a date in the shot, or in front of a famous building, or their office. A scammer most likely will not be able to produce it and will come up with an excuse as to why they can’t. If that happens, ask for another one. Other red flags to consider: they won’t video chat with you, they make promises to meet you in person but always have an excuse, they seem almost too perfect, they want to isolate you from friend and family, their messages seem copied or pasted, and/or the grammar, spelling, or vocabulary are slightly off.

Never open a bank account for them or send compromising videos or pictures that could be used for blackmail against you. And never send money or cryptocurrency to someone you have never met.

If You Have (or Think You Have) Been Scammed

First and foremost, you are not dumb or stupid. Professional scammers preyed on you during a weak moment and won. Forgive yourself and seek emotional support from those you know and trust. Secondly, if you feel comfortable - tell your story. Silence allows for these scams to continue and get bigger. It may be difficult, but you may be the person that saves one of your friends or family members from having to go through this sort of thing. You can report suspicious profiles or messages to www.ReportFraud.ftc.gov. This may help slow down the scammers. Report all money lost. Call your bank and credit card companies and tell them about the fraudulent charges; they may be able to reverse the transaction(s). If you mailed money to them, you can contact USPS and ask to intercept the package (1-800-876-2455). It may be too late, but it is always worth the try. If you sent a wire, you can contact the wire company and see if the wire can reversed.

Money Gram – 1-800-926-9400

Western Union- 1-800-448-1492

Ria (Non- WalMart) 1-877-443-1399

Ria (Walmart to Walmart or Walmart to World) 1-855-355-2144

Change all passwords and usernames to any and all accounts they may have access to. Update all security software and run a fresh scan. If you feel like your identity was compromised you can go to www.identitytheft.gov. Monitor all credit cards, bank accounts, and any other financial institutions you may have, just to make sure to prevent fraudulent charges or transactions.

Resources and More Information

Below we have listed many articles that can help you if you would like to learn more about this topic. If you have any questions or need any assistance, please email us at helpinghand@voyagefp.com or call us at 843-285-7076.

@2023 Voyage Financial Partners, 300 N Cedar Street, Suite A, Summerville, SC 29483

Securities & Advisory Services offered through CreativeOne Securities, LLC Member FINRA/SIPC & an Investment Advisor. Voyage Financial Partners & CreativeOne Securities, LLC are not affiliated.

¹ https://www.ftc.gov/news-events/data-visualizations/data-spotlight/2022/02/reports-romance-scams-hit-record-highs-2021

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